where to find warmth.

this week has been the coldest i can remember in a long while.

not because of the temperatures

{though a bitterness has been in the air lately}

but more because of where life has me and my loved ones at present.

we're in the process of bidding goodbye to my precious grammie,

the strong glue who has held my family together

since long before i was even close to entering this world.

when i am alone,

the thought of losing her

leaves the world feeling devoid of anything happy.

i can't come close to imagining life without her in it.

i hate the idea that she won't be around to see me walk down an aisle

or to knit booties for my first baby.

i know i'm not alone in feeling like now is too soon

to see her go.

but i don't get to decide when grammie goes or if she stays.

i am not God.

so, instead of wallowing in what many might call well-deserved sadness,

i am going to focus on the things i am left with-

my belief in life beyond this world

and the wonderful family God brought me into . . .

i find warmth in my quiet times with my Heavenly Father,

embraces with my cousins,

squeezes from my mother's hands,

and the glimmer that still comes from my grandmother's eyes

when i enter the room and kiss her baby-soft hair.

i find warmth in the surprise bouquet from girl friends,

scriptures of encouragement sent by mr. wonderful

and tears shed with my brother and sister.

today our hearts might be in the dead of winter . . .

but the warmth i'm given brings me comfort and hope

and the promise of spring in the future.

~~~

"the Lord is close to the brokenhearted;

he rescues those whose spirits are crushed."

~psalm 34:18

{via tumblr}